#6 Soul Vs Ego; How To Heal Your Anxiety
It may or may not surprise you to hear how big a role your Soul and Ego play in your daily life. Obviously, they are quite literally what we are made of. However, what may surprise you is how big of an impact your current imbalance is having on you and your life. Especially if anxiety or fear is holding you back. Don’t miss this episode. Grab a cup of something and a notebook! You may want to take some notes today as I am introducing new ways to look at some of your old problems!
00:00 Introduction to Soul and Ego
01:01 Childhood Moments and Ego Formation
09:28 Healing Self-Doubt and Anxiety
16:20 Listening to Your Soul's Guidance
23:44 Embracing Vulnerability and Seeking Support
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Show Transcript:
Hello, welcome to soul versus ego, how to heal your anxiety. This has been adapted by a blog post written by me a few years ago. It's one of my most popular ones. So I wanted to talk about it today or talk through it today. For starters, there are two powers that ignite us to just keep in mind as we go forward. These two powers, they motivate us, they determine our entire experience for as long as they reign, which is pretty much as long as we live. And that is love versus fear. Now when I was a kid, I ate an ant. Yep, totally true story. And super proud moment, not because it was on the menu, but because it was a dare. I was also told I would be given 100 from my brother. Who was probably about 8 years old at the time. Of course I'm still waiting for that 100. But it became clear pretty early on that my little ego had something to prove. I had some competition in me. I was willing to eat an ant. I did eat an ant, likely just to prove that I was not afraid. At six years old, I also climbed to the top of what was undoubtedly the tallest tree in the neighborhood, and the fire department had to come and get me down. I was clearly up for a dare. We both actually should pat ourselves on the back right now for simply making it through our childhood, right? And all the way to today. Well you might not have eaten an ant, I know, bummer. I know you absorbed. Learned and lived through incredible challenges. Some were blissful, and some were really painful. Both shaped how you experienced your life today. You see, this earth school was not meant to be all stardust and light. That doesn't exist here on earth, not all the time. We live with duality, and learning to navigate our own duality of pain versus joy and love versus fear may be the entire point of life. of this life. Imagine that. So if this seems like a very different way of thinking, stay tuned. I'm sharing some really big stuff here. If this is not a new concept at all to you, then you likely know that all learning is remembering. So you have navigated here likely to remember and awaken once again to your soul's path. So on we go to resonate with this understanding of our mission here as intuitive beings. So let's talk about soul versus ego. Let's start with ego. So like a second ago, I told you to pat yourself on the back, but really your ego deserves some love. It is working so hard to protect you and keep you safe with some very limited resources, basically shame and fear. Your ego is also known as your personality, and it tends to want center stage. If you Google ego, You'll see all sorts of negative press. However, without it, you would cease to exist. Remember this next time you are self sabotaging and skip the gym for that Ben and Jerry's binge, or pass up an awesome opportunity to shine because it was just too anxiety producing. Because really, your ego needs your love. It is the part of you that is always scanning for threat and craves comfort. It is the inner voice that wants you to stay still, because many times change is a threat. Your ego has been with you since childhood, and has been keeping you alive and safe. If you have experienced abuse or trauma, especially as a child, You're even more susceptible to a cruel inner critic. Your ego learned at the time of this abuse, or trauma, that it needed to keep you in line, to keep you small in order to keep you under their radar. Step out of line, or attempt to expand your powerful self, and the ego can be mean. As children, we all created brilliant ways to survive difficult experiences, but for most of us, these coping mechanisms we used as a child now suffocate you as an adult. The ego started off brilliant, yet this inner voice that is constantly scanning and judging now is likely getting in the way of your greatness. Now your soul, all the while your soul, is whispering in the background. It is your essence, your intuition, your gut reaction. Your soul is that knowing feeling you experience when it's nudging you to take an alternative route or take a leap of faith. Your soul is the voice of love while your ego is fueled by your mind. Your soul is connected to the divine, to universe, to spirit, to God, or however you refer to the greater power that exists and guides you. Your soul has no attachment to fear. It's job is to support your expansion and growth. It simply wants to light you up and encourage you to explore the unknown for inspiration towards your highest good. Your soul has very little interest in keeping you safe, but it really is invested in setting you free. But here's the really juicy part. If you create a deeper relationship listening to your soul, AKA meditation. You will create a far more meaningful, successful, and joyful life. You will see anxiety and depression be replaced by magic. And by default, those all around you will begin to vibrate higher, or unfortunately, they may need to vibrate out. It may be your life's work to build this relationship with yourself. So again, we live with duality. I am not all light. I am always learning how to embrace my ego's pain, insecurities, illnesses, oh gosh, lots of illnesses, and darkness until I find the lesson. Once I find the meaning of my mind, body, pain, I see my soul's lesson. Then it's time to sit my butt down and truly listen. Just simply tune inward. We just need to allow the power of our divine connection to ditch the shame of our ego's fear. So here is a list I want to talk to you about just a little bit. Okay, it's, it's helps you to shed light. What is your self talk and your inner experience reflecting more of? Is it your soul's voice or your ego's voice? So I'm going to name some things and you kind of relate to what tends to happen most often in your life. So your soul's voice, as you know, is the voice of love. Your ego's voice is the voice of fear. Your soul's voice wants to light you up. Your ego wants you to hide out in fear with some anxiety. Your soul. Loves the journey. Your ego wants the prize. It wants proof of worth. Your soul sees limitless possibilities. It's so exciting. Your ego sees limitations and everything that could go wrong. Your soul's voice is love, but your ego wants love. It needs love. It's searching for it. It doesn't have enough. Your soul is trusting, trusting in everything unfolding, trusting in the universe, trusting in your health, trusting in your partners, trusting in your friendships. Your ego's voice is anxious and it's mistrusting. Your soul is self accepting while your ego creates shame. Your soul is receiving, it just believes that receiving is beautiful. But your ego? You might relate to this. Your ego says, I don't want to owe anybody anything. Your soul says, surrender to the unknown. And your ego says, seek control fast. Your soul says, it's okay not to know. Your ego says, you absolutely must have all the answers first. Your soul is a true power source, while your ego is your false power source. So your soul wants to aspire to greatness through that power, and your ego wants to use it, it aspires for comfort. It wants to use it for fear based achievement, or to just be comfortable. So either playing small and hiding out, or striving through fear of not good enough or unworthy. The soul says, I take really good care of myself, while the ego says I must be busy and useful to be worthy and enough. Your soul's motivation is purpose and passion, and your motivation for your ego is fear, shame, and perfection. So in order to heal some of this, we can really look at healing our self doubt and anxiety, because those are so prevalent for so many of us. And if you're struggling with self doubt and anxiety, and or depression, you're likely spending a lot of time with ego. In fact, if your ego has been running the show for a while, your body and mind have likely begun to vibrate at a lower frequency. Literally. When we vibrate at a lower frequency, We experience exhaustion, illness, low mood, irritability. Also our nervous system is impacted and can develop very real experience of anxiety. I'm talking real physical anxiety, shakiness, racing heart, racing thoughts, lack of focus, muscle pain, digestive issues, food intolerances. I've actually seen a person who lost the entire feeling in their left arm. It was completely numb and it was all anxiety. Our immune system as well as our hormonal system are both impacted by this lack of life force energy needed to stay in balance. It's so important that we recognize our energetic health. In my practice I have mixed up sort of a secret sauce that I really seems to help committed people move from depression, anxiety into experiencing more joy, more excitement, and some magic. I'll share here a few ingredients, but realistically they're sort of conceptual until you put them into action. Like anything else, honestly, it depends on your action. A quote from Eckhart Tolle as we go down this road here. The ego says, I shouldn't have to suffer. And then the thought of that makes you suffer so much more. Eckhart Tolle. So number one is allow and accept. Stop resisting what is. Learning to allow and accept. Human suffering is usually found in our resistance to what is, and not usually the presenting problem. The truth is, you are right on time. You are not supposed to be any different than you are right now. The obstacles in your path are the path. It is the pain your ego creates with its restrictions of fear, disgust, and resistance that you can consume and be consumed by. for listening. Most times, it is not the presenting issue that's the real problem. Honestly, it's your reaction to the issue that's causing you pain. This is important to understand and digest. So, for example, something happens to you that you perceive as negative. For the sake of this example, we'll say that you were passed up on a job. Or how about passed up on a promotion at work? Now, your ego It begins to create all these thoughts and feelings around it. Going back to resistance, disgust, fear. I can't believe this. How dare they? I am never seen for my value. Maybe I'm really not any good. Meanwhile, your soul behind the scenes is doing a dance to get this job out of the way so that it can move forward to what's next. But your ego is creating a narrative that plugs you into pain and fear and attachment. You should have that job. You shouldn't have to suffer. Now multiply this whole experience by ten. This is how many times a day some of us experience painful reactions to even smaller things, which we perceive as negative. Pretty exhausting, right? But what if you learn to quiet the ego? What if you learn to tap quickly into your intuition, to heal the real reasons why it's all unfolding this way? Or at least feel and then trust the message from your soul that all is working towards your highest good. It's going to be okay. What have you learned to trust what is? You see, the soul and the ego coexist. Neither is truly bad or good. And it is your job, maybe the entire point of your life, to move through the pain of your ego into the fulfillment of your soul. You Start right now by acknowledging what resonates for you on that list we went through. Journaling, of course, can be powerful. It's just a way to move that stuff around, give it language, bring it to the light. Take some time to put pen to paper. Explore what's blocking you from being more connected to your soul's energy and life purpose. For sure, check out your, doing some shadow work. You see, it's information for your highest intelligence that it wants you to know that is what your emotions really are. They're just information. So meet them with love and compassion before moving into the next step, which is going to be the ho'oponopono prayer. I do this a lot in my practice. It's so simple. You find a quiet spot, you close your eyes, you take some deep breaths. You relax the body more deeply, especially if you're somebody who's sort of revved up, you have ADD, or you have an inner motor, anxiety. You probably need to relax the body first. Crush your hands over your heart and simply, once you're relaxed, repeat these words out loud to yourself. You can repeat them five to ten times. until you feel something. You ready for them? Here they are. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. And thank you. You repeat that over and over again until you feel something. And you move that emotion to the forefront. Seem too simple? I totally get that response. I challenge you to do it anyway. May seem simple, but there is a reason why I use it as often as I do. It gets you into your heart. Because, my friend, you have been living in your mind. We all have. Living in your mind is why you are spinning in your head and less connected to yourself as a whole. This prayer opens up the heart chakra and brings you into your body. Keep the tissues nearby. Number two, my suggestion is learn how to listen to your soul. I promise you if you're willing to meditate, you can begin to build your intuitive guidance and a much deeper relationship with your soul. This is seriously where the magic lives. Sounds nice, right? Notice I said willing. If you have difficulty sitting and being for 10 to 20 minutes, that my friend is in formation. You are not incapable of meditating. It's just that for years you've probably been avoiding what you perceived as an inability to tolerate that discomfort. And likely, it's what you do. You stay busy. You avoid. And you perceive things as difficult. Some people say, I can't help it, I'm driven. Trust me, there is a difference between drive and addiction. Drive makes your soul sore as you fill its mission, while an addiction to busy keeps you disconnected from your soul and depletes you and exhausts you. If this resonates, this will be an awesome start to sitting with what comes up. Tackle this addiction and I promise the payoff is incredible. Getting quiet and learning to listen instead of avoiding is a crucial step to the secret sauce I mentioned earlier. So your pain and discomfort. Transcript is such important information. It's so valuable. When you simply avoid, you are bypassing an incredible opportunity to use this intuition as guidance. Instead, I want you to try to listen to the wisdom of your pain and increase your intuition. Change how you experience your life. It will just do it. It'll change how you experience your life. Learning to love who you are is part of the answering of that big question, who am I? That's a hard one for most of us, right? Meditation is one of the few ways you can explore how, who you are on a deeper level beyond your busy everyday thoughts. So just, most of you know this, but I'm just going to say really quickly, find a spot to get comfortable, When you're looking to meditate, it's just important that you have a spot that's comfortable. It's not about sleeping, it's about being present. So you're not looking to get under the covers and fall asleep and get a good nap in. I want you to unplug from any distractions. I want you to also try to practice some mindfulness to quiet your mind. In order to hear the guidance and intuition of your soul, you kinda have to relax the chatter of your mind. Take five minutes to simply allow your thoughts to surface, and once you notice them, why don't you just label them? Ooh, that was judgment. Ugh, more I have tos. Look at that. Huh, that was guilt. Curious, more guilt. You're simply just looking at what comes up, labeling it what it is. Then visualize. the thought evaporating. I want you just to practice detaching. Let it float away, whatever you want to do. You can tie it to a string, cut it with scissors. Detach and take deep breaths, saying right here, right now, breathing in and out. Right here, right now, I am present. And then once you get calm and you get into a calm state, you can begin this kind of by asking questions. that you would like to receive some guidance on. Just pose the question. Open up your senses to any possible messages. Anything from a thought to an image that pops up can be guidance. I often say in my classes, everything is something. Everything is something. If you start to think about, um, some strange scene in a show you watched last night, I want you to think if this was something. What does it mean for me? What are they trying to show me? Consider a conversation with yourself, except this part of you is your higher self and holds so much more wisdom. And remember, of course, emotions are always important information being conveyed. This last piece is an extension of what we just talked about, but it's really important. So I want you to just If you're multitasking, I want you to bring yourself back in. In order to create major shifts in your life, this is a must exercise in my book. It is counterintuitive for many, but we must learn to sit with our emotions and hear what they have to teach us. Okay, so actually, truly, intentionally, Making space for your emotions. You may notice, even as I'm saying this to you now, this might get you to start paying more attention to even notice how often you have something rising up in your chest into your throat and you push it back down. I want you from now on to say, Ooh, what are you? So to begin, to make a practice of it, you again would just sit comfortably And you just take a moment to take some deep breaths. Perhaps you do this after you did your meditation. We talked about a minute ago, and if you're trained in Reiki, that's even amazing. You can actually do some self Reiki and open up your heart, get out of your head and open up your heart. That's what you need to do. And if you're having a hard time getting out of your head, go back to the Ho'oponopono, that'll get you into your heart. Now, I want you to simply say, number one, show me what emotions you're feeling. Sometimes I need to feel in order to feel better, or in order to feel in, fill in the blank. In order to feel more confident in today's meeting, what emotions do I need to feel? In order to make a decision on moving forward, what decision do I need to feel or what emotion do I need to feel? Wait for it. What emotion do I need to feel today? Can be the simple question. Once you feel something showing up, you're going to notice it's in your body. You're going to feel it. I want you to notice where is it located. Give it a shape. Next, keeping your hands on your heart, I want you to say to that emotion, I see you, I feel you, I hear you, and I won't ignore you. I see you, I feel you, I hear you, I won't ignore you. Next, ask, what do you need for me to feel better? Just be patient. Remember, trust everything and anything is important. Everything is something. You might have a memory or you might have a message. Once you've received any sort of instructions, I just want you to say thank you. What else do you need from me? Are there any other messages I need to feel? Or any other emotions I need to feel? And you just keep going until you feel like you've done enough. I want you to go ahead and take a nice deep breath when you're done, starting from the top of your head and clearing out any residual emotion and energy that no longer serves you. Take a nice deep breath, clearing it out in, you know, out of your body, through your feet into the ground to be recycled for good. Now this last thing I'm going to bring up to you, um, this one's hard for some of us it's going to be some work and I, I know we need to choose wisely here, but share your vulnerability and be seen. It is so important that you practice being seen. So find a trustworthy source to share your true feelings with, you know, you want people you choose to know how to listen. So you're not going to go to that person. who frustrates you when you try to be seen, right? Or you do need to go to that person, perhaps give them the feedback of what it is you need to feel seen. Some of these people seek to understand and are curious before trying to be understood. That's the goal. The ones that really can hold space, they understand first and be understood second. Once you've completed the above exercise of going through the And, you know, understanding your emotions and all of that that we just talked about. Healing alone and healing together are two totally different experiences. There is a time for both. But being vulnerable and being seen and valued with another soul is invaluable. The catch is, most of your friends and family don't really know how to listen. Many of them have habits of relating, and possibly that's even more comfortable for you. But it hasn't served you. Maybe it's been more comfortable for you to not be the center of attention in the relationship, but promise me it hasn't served you. Many of us have that I don't want to be a burden button. You know, it goes a little something like this. You finally share your vulnerability, the other person digest it through their own historical database and they say, Oh, I totally get it. I had the same thing happen to me once. This is what you should do. Trust me, this is not a healing experience for you. I mean, if you were trying to fix your laptop, maybe, but not mend your heart. You might also notice that when you do make it about you, you are quick to want to take care of the other person and shift the attention off you as fast as possible. I call this the bait and switch. You know when you share a vulnerable feeling, and you just feel that person gearing up to say either the wrong thing or something that will keep the attention on you for too long, so you quickly ask them about themselves. I do this one a lot. They take the bait, it's over faster than a speeding bullet, you don't have to tolerate the attention any longer, and phew, so much better. But, not. It's not serving you. My suggestion is to find a therapist, a healer, a coach. Who you can truly, or somebody who can truly hold space for you. Someone who doesn't let you squirm out of it, right? We need to be held accountable in a loving, loving way. We want someone that makes you feel safe and heard and valued. Totally different experience than what we're talking about. This in itself may take a leap of faith. At first it may feel like you are treading into very uncomfortable territory, but trust it. Trust if it pulls at you. Trust it's important to you. Take the leap to be seen. Find ways to be seen. Don't give up on yourself. Don't self abandon. Truly take that leap of faith and keep trying because it's really important and your people out there, your tribe are out there. The people that are meant for you are out there. So I hope you enjoyed this episode. These are some things I feel are really important to help you on your journey of healing and to really start looking at those soul versus ego parts of yourself as a way to identify where your true work is. Um, again, I talked about it being kind of conceptual and the way of moving out of the conceptual is to take the action. And so what that means for you is from today on, let's just say for the next two weeks, so it's not too overwhelming. For the next two weeks, I just want you to be curious, in the moment, watch, be observant. Right? Allow that third party, or second party, observer in you, to pay more attention. Not with judgment, with curiosity. Huh, look at that. I feel this. Look at that. That's ego. A lot of us will notice when we start to do this work that they haven't felt their soul's energy in quite some time. And it's really helpful to actually recognize that versus burying your head in the sand and just being on autopilot not knowing the joy went. To recognize it and be with it. Like, wow when was the last time I felt expansive and huge and laughed so hard and got excited and juiced? Like when was my soul last in charge? It's time for you to pay attention to that. And then the action step is, What would my soul say to this? When you sit in fear and you talk yourself out of something that deep down inside you know you really want or that it's good for you, what would my soul say? Write it down, meditate on it, but start taking the actions of in the moment. The only time you can make any change in your life is in the present moment. All right, thank you so much for joining me today.